Sukkat Shalom: A Healing for Battered Women and their Allies
We take ourselves back for a moment, back to the time of our foremothers. Today we will bring them into our circle to learn from their powerful voices. They are our teachers, although many of their voices have been silenced throughout history.
Lilith: Adam tried to force me to lie beneath him, but I refused. I cursed him and flew away to the Red Sea. God sent angels to make me return to Adam, but I would not.
Lilith's message to us: I demand to be treated as an equal. I have the right to say no.
Lot's daughters: When the men of the town came to our door asking our father to turn over his houseguests to them, our father offered us instead. He told the men he had "two virgin daughters, who have not known men. Do with them as you see fit." As if our bodies were his to offer. As if we had no opinions, no choice. As if we were worth nothing. But angels spared us, and we were saved.
Their message to us: Even today, girls are often seen as the property of their fathers. We must be the guardian angels of children, always waiting in the wings to protect them.
Lot's Wife: God warned us not to look back as fire and brimstone demolished the cities. But I could not bear to leave my home and loved ones behind, so I turned back. Now God has turned me into a pillar of salt, punished for my compassion and sensitivity.
Her message to us: We must not let ourselves become hardened as a result of our own tender feelings and compassion being misunderstood or unappreciated.
Dinah: I am Dinah, daughter of Leah and Jacob. I was not given a tribe like my twelve brothers. When I journeyed out of my tent to meet the daughters of the land I was met with Shechem, who looked upon me with desire and raped me. Then, since I was no longer virgin, I was forced by my father to marry my assailant.
Dinah's thoughts were not recorded by history. So we give her the following words: "As a young girl I was powerless to prevent the assault. But I wish I had spoken up afterward and refused to be married to my abuser. My message to you is to trust your inner voice, and do not be afraid to use your voice to speak out on matters that affect you."
Jeptha's daughter: I was offered as a sacrifice by my father to fulfill a vow he made if given success in battle. All I asked was to go into the mountains for a few months with my female friends, to make peace with my life. When I returned, my father fulfilled his vow.
We do not even know her name. But we do know that, unlike Isaac who was spared when God stayed the hand of Abraham, Jeptha's daughter was killed on the sacrificial altar. The life of a daughter has never been worth the life of a son. Jeptha's daughter has this message for us: "As a child, I respected the sanctity of my father's vow, going to my death with honor and duty. But if I had the chance to do it over, I would have stayed in the hills with the women, and let my father take responsibility for his own problems, not allowing him to make me his scapegoat. To every woman who has fled her home in fear for her safety: You did what I could not. I came back, knowing the violence that awaited me, and paid the ultimate price."
Levite's concubine: My lover thought he owned me and my body, and could use me or give me away as he pleased. The men who assaulted and beat me for hours never saw me as a person.
To you, today's Jewish women, I say that you belong to no one but yourself. Each woman is mistress of her own body and her own fate.
The Benjaminite's daughter: I was spared the fate of the concubine, just as Lot's daughters were spared. But it could just as easily have been my fate as well.
I am the lucky woman, who has not been battered, but I know that we must all stand together to stop the violence against us, because it could be any one of us at any time. I am here with you tonight, in this shelter of peace, to welcome us all home.
Throughout centuries of history of violence against Jews, women have been singled out for slavery and sexual abuse. We remember the women of the Crusades, the Inquisition, the pogroms, and the Shoah (Holocaust). We remember all the women who sought refuge from violence in their homes, and were told to return and make shalom bayit. We remember all the children who were hurt, yelled at, neglected, or made to feel responsible for their parents' problems. We remember all who were silenced, who were not given a voice. We remember all the women who fought back; all the women who could not fight back; all the women who were killed. We invite all these heroines now to seek shelter in our sukkah of peace, and join with us in ceremony tonight.
Please take a silent moment to reflect on a woman or child you have known, or been, and bring her into the sukkah with us.
Purple Ribbon Ceremony
As we weave together the Jewish themes of Sukkot and the national reflection of Domestic Violence Awareness Month, we have asked congregations throughout the Bay Area to tie a purple ribbon to their sukkah in honor of battered women and their children.
We recite together:
We bless the Divine Presence, whose wings shelter us with peace. Redeemer of Israel who brought us out of Egypt, on this festival of Sukkot our thoughts turn to those who dwell in fear and danger in their own homes. With compassion and an outstretched arm, bring them forth into freedom, and shelter them in your sukkah of peace.
Each woman ties a purple ribbon to the sukkah and recites one of the following:
*This is for every woman who has been battered, assaulted, or emotionally abused.
*This is for woman who has been blamed, or made to feel ashamed, for something that was not her fault.
*This is for every woman whose rabbi/counselor/friend/family member/ community leader told her to go home and make shalom bayit, or who ignored her pleas for help, or who minimized the danger she was in, or who took sides with her abuser.
*This is for all the women still living with abuse, trying to survive.
*This is for all the women who have been killed, so that their spirits may always be remembered and their voices for once be heard.
*This is for all the women and children still suffering the effects of abuse, many months of years later.
*This is for every child who has witnessed violence, who has seen hurtful things happen in her own home, who has been made to feel like it was her fault, who has been hurt.
*This is for every child whose parents took their anger out on them.
*This is for the incredible beauty of children, who teach us resilience, who know how to laugh and cry, and who always get up when they fall down.
*This is for all of us, because we speak up and because we help each other.
Copyright 1996 Rebecca Schwartz & Naomi Tucker